David de Souza
'How to Talk to Anyone' - 80/20 Summary
Updated: Jan 8, 2022
Mental Models: Curiosity Instinct, Ego, First Conclusion Bias, Liking, Mise-en-place, Newton's 3rd Law: Action & Reaction, Pareto Principle, Relativity, Vividness Bias
Mental Models from the book:
'How to Talk to Anyone' can be summarised into 9 mental models:
1. Curiosity Instinct
When you introduce someone, add some hooks (such as a hobby or something interesting the person has done).
"You" is a powerful word and has many benefits including:
It is cognitively easier for a person to process as they do not need to translate it from your perspective into theirs. They do not need to translate "Can I take Monday off" into "Can I do without this employee on Monday?
Including "you" in a sentence triggers a person's pride response.
Adding "you" to a compliment will amplify it. "I like your suit" doesn't sound as good as "I think you look good in that suit".
Use "You" to persuade:
Instead of saying: "It is important that...." persuade them by saying: "You'll see the importance of
Instead of saying: "The results will be..." tell them: "You'll see the results when you....."
Instead of saying: "I can't find the train station' ask them: "Do you know the way to the train station?"
3. First Conclusion Bias
The way you look and the way you move will impact 80% of a person's first impression of you. Have:
A confident smile
A direct gaze
'Just as the first glimpse should please their eyes, your first utterance should delight their ears'.
When you act as if you like someone you start to really like them.
The way to get someone to like you is to show them that you like them.
It is guaranteed that someone will ask you: "Where are you from?" or "What do you do?". Prepare your response; add some hooks or a story to give the person something to work with.
6. Newton's 3rd Law: Action & Reaction
Listen for the subtle words, references, or phrases that people mention, it is likely they want to talk about those things.
7. Pareto Principle
You only need to know 50 words to have a respected vocabulary. Look up common words that you often use and find a more captivating word to use instead.
Put people at ease by: Showing them you are similar and that you think they are OK.
9. Vividness Bias
Wear something different or remarkable to make it easier for people to start a conversation with you.
Mental Model Mind Maps
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